Feeling: ambiguous. vulnerable. lonely. present. …largely because I’ve had “Cosmic Love” by Florence & the Machines on repeat since yesterday.

Urges: to body check. […although I remember thinking a few times this morning how novel my reflection seemed, as if I’d not consulted with it in awhile.] to restrict.tobinge/purge/purgepurgebinge/purge. […but I’m pretty proud of my choices, actually.] symptom monitor. […hey, wouldn’t it be great if I started up with that again?] to repeat/redo/re-read. to clean, order & arrange, sanitize. […which may or may not have just been a very necessary reverse ransacking on my apartment and car.]

Behaviors: seeking reassurance. calorie counting.

Challenged by: the fear I recognized that had prevented me from giving up my eating disorder in the past.

Learned/found valuable: lunch with Dad. Eating sushi and All Bean Salad, sitting in Team KI obstacle course tires with the sun on our backs, sipping blackberry tea...having a body and being alive felt pretty okay.
Something good: 48+ hours.