Feeling: agitated and excited and kind of ready to jump out of my own skin. Nothing I seem to do tonight feels “right”…like I should be packing, balancing my checkbook, reading, writing, fixing my nails, figuring out all things school/career/miscellaneous “future”-related shit that I’d much rather put off by doing any number of other banal busywork. …slightly guilty knowing that I’m going to get buckwild on my day off at Door County as if I’ve really earned it or something.lol

Urges: every single one of em tonight. I tried to count my monies from the week and am ::thisclose:: to just saying “fuck it” and letting it accumulate in the empty Bubble Gum ice cream bucket I keep in the freezer. BECAUSE I CANNOT COUNT IT ACCURATELY(enough to stave off the supposed judgement of

Behaviors: I pretty much did everything I could to prevent myself from eating anything of substance today, which was only really challenging before I went to work at the restaurant. I considered a brunch buffet (conveniently located just beyond a Dollar Tree/bucket-for-a-buck store). I considered a bag full of Sugar Free Life-Savers (omgRIGHT??). I considered at least three.x2L Diet Dew. I ended up going with an apple and a swallofull of Banrock Station. Then he called and I felt romantically inspired to rush up despite looming threats of deadly heat lightning…but I turned around and got back home just in time to avoid everything. …and then I ate hummus, recharged, sucked down half a Parliament Light, and arrived in Egg Harbor with just enough time for a shot of Peppermint Schnapps and a few laps in the pool.

Challenged by: feeling too good to be true.

Valued/Learned: maybe this is too good, maybe it’s true…maybe it’s both?

Positive: it could be both.